Last year for the first time ever, I reflected on the year. I looked back on 2017, what I had been through and what I wanted to do in 2018. Today, I read what I wrote. I met some goals and didn’t meet a lot of them, but I was proud of looking at where I ended 2017 and where I am ending now.
Here’s what I wrote for 2017:
Hard Stuff of 2017
- Anxiety that was still lingering and I was trying to figure out. I thought that it would take over me. In 2017, I started seeing a therapist. I remember the last week of 2017, I had the last full scale panic attack. I remember looking forward to that clock strike midnight so I could start a new year where this did not feel like it owned me.
- Reflection from 2018: This no longer owns me. I feel flutters inside me of those anxious feelings, but I have learned to see this in a new light. I have learned to trust my body again and to hear what these flutters mean. What am I not processing? What do I need to go back and share or think through? Some days there are no answers and I have learned to not feel like a failure, but to ride the wave, as we like to call it. I have patience with myself and I give myself grace. I know that skipping a workout, an evening walk, a meal, or a few hours of sleep can really throw me off sometimes. I know myself better and anxiety feels more and more like a distant friend. I call her a friend because even though she’s tough, she brings you so much good.
- Love is harder than I thought in 2017 was something that I realized. I think you come into marriage with these high expectations and these movie type visualizations that you think it will be. Then we both don’t meet these expectations.
- Reflection from 2018: Marriage gets easier with the more time that goes by. You learn what you care about. You see how they love and the way they see love from you. The things you thought would mean love, may not mean that to them. You learn what matters and what doesn’t. You become a team and work together and all the Hollywood expectations slide away and are overtaken by your own story.
- Friends: At the end of 2017, I felt like I had no close friends. I had ones that I could grab coffee with and some long term friends, but not the kind you just kick back and don’t have the stereotypical, “How are you?” conversation. I wanted my people if you know what I mean.
- Reflection from 2018: My neighbor and I became close friends. We hang out most nights of the week. We go out on girls nights, dog walks, and making random recipes we found that week. We laugh and joke about differences of Holland and America. In February, she leaves back to Holland. I am of course sad and was reflecting on how most of my friends end up leaving. I think this is because I have a lot of powerhouse friends. I have friends who take on NYC, friends who help run start ups across the country, friends who coach others to become their best spin instructor and who are brave enough to move and attempt love. I have Marieke: confident, powerful, feminine, researcher, scientist, mother, wife, and amazing friend. She will head home to Holland to be a professor and a researcher in OCD treatments. Here is to another powerful friend and all of my friends that encourage me to take risks and to try something new.
- New Job: I asked for a change at work and was sent to the high school to run and create the internship program. I have never taught high school a day in my life
- Reflection from 2018: I am becoming braver to showcase may ideas, to start programs, to come up with ideas, and to take risks. I am confident in my work and I hope to build this more.
10 blessings from 2017
- Learning to be vulnerable-Thanks Anxiety. Anxiety for me was my body forcing me into vulnerability
- Taking a risk on changing a job: I asked for what I wanted at work and got it.
- Connecting with my friend Bekah from work
- Paid off my credit card
- Experienced anxiety with my sister
- Learned to love the bible in a different way
- Started a podcast
- Learned to code
- Learned to trust what my body feels
- Learned I don’t need to always run, but a walk and yoga night can count as a good workout.
Goals for 2018:
- Continue to blog and podcast
- Did it happen?: I did continue to blog and make this consistent. I even redid the whole website. I stopped the podcast because I did not think it was a natural platform for me. I think I show my voice best through written word.
- Bring in money from website making
- Did it happen?: I landed my first big paying job last January and another in March! This definitely did happen 🙂
- Get car payment down to my goal number
- Did it happen?: Got it down to my goal! Almost paid off. Then we will have paid off my student loans and Jeep in the last year. After that, we have no debt! Another perk of living on a boat is $150 in rent frees up a lot of saving and paying off money.
- Run a 5k
- Did it happen?: This did not happen, but I am very proud that running became a part of my routine again. I hope that this year this can actually happen. The reason I love running and racing is because when I do it, it is one of the things I do in life that I feel strong, gifted, in tune with my body, and able to conquer. I love the feeling. This will be on my 2019 goals list
- Read a book a month
- Did it happen?: I do not think so. I did read a lot of good books and I have some that are on the Horizon. I am currently making my way through the Oprah and Reese Witherspoon book club list. Let me know your suggestions.
- Read a nutrition book
- Did it happen?: This year, I read a lot of different nutrition books and really learned a lot more about food. A lot of my anxiety came around food centered items. I was constantly hard on myself if I did not eat enough. I love learning more about what the body needs and experiencing the effects of feeding it well.
- Read bible daily
- Did it happen?: Let’s be honest. NO!
- Read before bed
- Did it happen?: The last few months, Yes! I am currently about to start reading Becoming by Michelle Obama. This will be back on my 2019 goals!
- Love Jeremy Well
- Did it happen?: Well you can ask him. I think as I discussed before, I figured out what matters and what does not. I figured out Hollywood expectations aren’t real and to see what I really expect from love. This was a sweet year of marriage and I feel like what they say about the honeymoon period is wrong. I think the longer you are married, the easier it gets.
- Connect with a friend each month
- Did it happen?: I think instead, I did dive into a few friendships often. I dug deeper instead of wider. The goal was met in my mind but just changed.
I am so glad that last year I wrote this down and I can’t write to write down my ideas for 2019. I did not have a new years resolution, but more of goals and reflections. I loved being able to read these words a year out and see with new perspective, what did all of this mean to me. Some of those words felt like a distant person. Who knew you could grow so much in a year?
Good luck with your goal making for the new year!
I like getting new planners. Here is a cute one I like.